My husband, on giving birth

The other day my husband asked his heavily pregnant sister
"bila kau bersalin ni"
"lima minggu lagi"
"beg dah siap x? mana beg?taknampak pun"
"dah siap.tinggal nk letak dlm kereta je"
"dah bersedia belum"
"besedia apa"
"nak bersalin la"

my SIL was confused with the question, so i quipped, i have already given her the hypnobirth book

" kau baca buku tu, jgn tak baca"
"memang la tgh baca pun"
"baca buku tu, jgn nanti nak panic tak tentu pasal"

you see there, you see there?
no uterus whatsoever, but a true hypnobirth advocate hahahaha

propaganda saya

hari ni cakap melayu. baru perasan entry semua cakap omputih.
apa telah terjadi kepada janji janji palsu nak buat satu entry sehari
very la propaganda
anyway tadi sneak out during lunch hour n got maryam a dress n a blouse for raya
i like whimsical designs n stay away from top to toe pink, too much ruffles, too much flowery prints, pale pale colors..
never really fancy OTT girlish dress. i love girls outfit in dark blue, green, grey, n such.i like to think that a mom dresses a daughter the why the mom secretly wishes she could dress!
kan kan kan ...jgn tipu ye.. i know.so like to guess a mom's secretly favorite style by looking at how she dresses her girl
because trust me, i would dress myself different tp sah sah la yg i bekenan tu dress-dress nmpak aurat kan ahahahhahahah
and chubby moms like me does not have that much choice of nice clothing in the market ye!
eh,what happen to ckp melayu!propah!
anyways, for raya, maryam has got a new pair of baju kurung, a new dress n a new blouse. the rest are a pair of hand me downs baju kurung, pants n dresses.
and im still impatiently waiting for my brother to come back from the US cos i got maryam's outfits i ordered n got sent to his US address. nothing fancy. just some clothing items from thechildrensplace and carter. again, i find even gymboree and Gap too pricey for my liking. hahahahahahah

Yes, I AM cheap. I know that. no reminder is necessary! hahahhaah
tak berapa excited nak raya lah. maybe cos my ramadhan not so fruitful!sigh...

My birth story : my first born!

This is the story of the day i gave birth to my girl, Maryam. It is written in the hope that expected moms can get a bit of info on how the process went for me. Of course bearing in mind that it's different for every mom and every birth. Although, seeing that my story is a rather uncomplicated delivery, maybe there are moms out there whos stories are almost the same as mine!

I managed to get transferred back to JB from Putrajaya on the 32nd week of pregnancy. Was told off by my gynae for driving long distance in such advanced stage. But like I said, I had a fairly easy pregnancy, so my guard was down. and thanfully nothing bad happened along the way!

I was kind of hoping that baby would come 2 weeks early, for i was tired of being pregnant and anxious to meet the baby, and anxious to practise my well trained hypnobirth breathing technique hahahhahahaha

The doctor told me on my 38th week that its already save should I give birth anytime now since the baby has fully matured. He said I can pick a date I like and he can induce the delivery. i get the baby early and still get the normal delivery I wanted, on the date that I like. But of course, I said NO. I wanted a natural birth, so natural birth it is. The baby will come when her time comes.

So I went back home and to work and waited. the hospital bag was already in the car, all packed!and truth be told, I only got the bag and everything ready on the 38th week, despite my mom's contant nagging that everything should be done and ready by the 28th week!

so my mom came from Ipoh on Friday, with my youngest brother, Hassan. I took them out to the market for food supplies since we'll be staying in JB for a week after birth.
On saturday, woke up to no signs of delivery, was disappointed. i did not experience any braxton hicks at all throughout pregnancy so I know no contraction means no signs of delivery. So I made nasik goreng for breakfast, wash the dishes.I couldnt sit still. Im afraid I was most active during pregnancy, and lazy for the rest of my life!hahahaha
At 8.30 am, I felt the first ever contractionnnnn! I knew right away it was contraction since I have never felt anything like it before. And besides, saturday was my EDD!
At the time, the gap between the surges (contraction) were about 40 minutes apart. They were consistent, and then became 30 minutes apart. i was so excited. I knew this was it. The thing about hypnobirth practising mothers, i feel, is they are more relax eventhough its their first because hypnobirth explains the way your body works. So you trust your body and its natural ability to birth you baby.
At 3 pm the bloody show came. I was so excited. Showed to husband. He said okay. Even he was relax after all those giving birth lectures I gave him! Since my husband was going to be my birth partner, I have been training him on birth process, my breathing technique and his part in the whole thing.
The surges grew stronger but was not unbearable thanks to breathing technique.
I decided to go to the hospital only after Isya'. So around 9.30 pm off we went to the hospital, not before stopping at McD for a drive through.
By the time we got to Hospital Penawar Pasir Gudang which is a mere 10 minutes drive away, surges were 2-3 minutes apart, but i held my cool hahahahah. I knew if the pain is still bearable, then its still a loooong way to go. And boy was i right.

Got sent straight to the delivery room. I was the only one giving birth that night. How nice. The nurse inserted the poo poo pill and we husband and i went to the loo for business. Then doctor came and said he has to break my water bag. I told him no, no, I want to go natural. He said no can do. Since Im past my EDD, he's worried if the placenta is able to hold on. Like he said it "at 40 weeks,placenta you ni dah tua,kalau orang, dah bejanggut ni.takut unable to supply oxygen well so we must pecahkan the bag, to quicken the birth process"
I gave in. He broke the bag with the hook thing and his first reaction was
"Allah, you tengok air ni color apa"
I got panicky. Turns out baby has pooped. I asked the doctor what color was it, and he showed me.It was only yellowish. I knew if its not green, theres high chance baby pooped because her system has matured, and not due to stress.
The doctor even mention csect at some point, but I refuse "oh no doctor! mahal mahal!"
ahhahahah that's just me, being a cheapo in every situation, dire or not!
husband almost gave in saying lets just csect if we have to.
oh, try cut YOUR belly open yourself! senang la cakap!
and besides I read somewhere that the scare was should the poo(meconium) gets into baby's brain, or lungs, not if swallowed through the mouth (kindly seek REAL medical advise. this is only for sharing purposes)
The doctor gave in and said to monitor her heartbeat and should baby's graph shows any sign of stress at all, then off to the operating table with you!
Hey this is rather lengthy. Lets continue in another entry!see ye!

Iftar Pak Dollah Air Tawar 4 style

Semalam had the chance to go back to kota tinggi for iftar. And a bit of shopping.
We do go back often since its dekat and secretly, I do it for the inlaws.
FIL n MIL dok berdua je at home and I can tell how lonely they are. Maryam is a therapy for them. its worthwhile to see them laughing at her antics, playing with her. If only I could do the same for my mom. The 500km distance that separates us...haishh..

aaaanyway, kat rumah my in laws food memang always in abundance. Tak pernahnya makanan x cukup or ngam ngam. they always overdo at meal times.taking iftar semalam for example,
the food were;

nasik putih
leftover bihun
ayam masak merah
udang goreng
sotong sumbat
tetel ungkep
kerang sambal (beli)
sayur lemak
telur puyuh sambal (beli)
ikan goreng leftover
almost 6 types of kuih
air teh o, laici, kathira
.
.
and only FOUR people were there.

crazy i'm telling you. My FIL is called pak dollah anyway, hence the title! hahahha
even husband was baffled at how much food there were
I tell you, the inlaws contributes to 40% of me being obese.
the other 60% was my own doing!hahahah
But the best part is we get to bring the food home for sahur.yeah we are cheap (and spoilt)like that. not to mention the tetel ungkep was faaaabbbbbb!

I miss having iftar with my mom. tahun ni mungkin sempat sehari je before raya.
The simplicity of it, my mom worrying if the food tak habis.
I miss home.

Swimming baby!

I love the swimming pool, and the ocean, and air terjun, and river and waterpark. Water places! Except I do not like showering. ehem..heheh
I always knew that I want Maryam to enjoy the water as much as DH and I do.
We call ourselves water buffs, only, truth be told, we can only swim to save our life.
Cant even save the person next to us. Tsk.
.
So when Maryam turned 9 months old, I decided its time for her to hit the water!
I was googling this neck float I saw at a mother's blog, thinking of getting one for Maryam.9
As I was looking around, I came across on pages about teaching your baby to swim.
One says by the time babies turn 10 months old, they will develop natural fear of water. This is when they started kicking and splashing went they get into the pool.
Boy did I panicked! Told the husband we MUST take the little miss to the public pool right this weekend!
Now I bought Maryam's swimming suit when I was about 6 months pregnant. I wanted THAT much for her to enjoy the water! hahahha.It was on sale, Speedo for RM10!Steallllll!
And I learnt that float, neck float and such is not an option because it provide false security for the baby. So, strike that one off.
Next I looked for swimming diaper but found the only kind I could get my hands on asap is the disposble one. So we went and bought the Huggies swimming diaper at carrefour.
Although we are still looking for a good swim diaper online, since her disposable ones are running out. But at steal prices of course *cheapskatemom*. hey to my defense, swim wear are darn expensive, adult or baby!
I was really confident I would teach my baby to swim myself. Hey they say parents are natural teachers dont they? and teaching her means I would spend a lot of time with her. And I would save a lot on swimming lesson fees *cheapskatemom* ok to be honest, the save up on fee is the primary reason!
there you have it, I wanted the lesson free..hahahahahha
and beside Its hard to find lessons for baby. I doubt there's even one in JB.
.
Well, you sure can tell this entry will be in parts!
As for now, for those who are interested to train their little fishes on their own, go to this site www.uswim.com
I followed their method, printed the tutorials and all.
I love uswim! Will be blogging more on swimming baby pretty soon, so stick around!

Infertility part 4 : dealing with the emotions, coping with the frustrations

When I first realize I am actually dealing with infertility, I turned to Trying-To-concieve forums and blogs. It was great help. One should not desert themselves and deal with the issue alone. Infertility goes beyond the questions of "what should we do, what is the next step, what method is available out there, which doctor is the best around?"
.
.
Often, people who does not face this issue are not aware that it goes deeper than that.
"why me?why is everyone else concieving so easily?Is it me or him?what have i done to deserve this?what if people keep asking?how would i answer?"
.
i am telling you, the craziest things goes through a woman's head. We think, and overthink, and then we think some more!
I try to talk to peole who's struggling, sharing as much as i could. The treatment i went through, the doctor i liked.
But never once I dare say,
" Ala, takpa la,sabar je. nanti nanti ada la tu"
crazy.how would you know?are you God?what if this woman is not able to concieve ever.
you might think I am overreacting. But believe me, this crosses my mind everytime a well meaning old lady says this to my face.
Truth is you dont know how many years a person has been trying, if she had multiple misscarriages, or maybe the husband is having problem and what nots.
My advice, be kind and pray "Harap2 Allah helps you to concieve."
then just shut up
dont offer stupid suggestions "maybe youre doing it wrong, maybe your husband is the one infertile, cepat cepat la sikit, umur tu dah banyak."
I am telling you, the crazy things people say.
What is the worst thing someone said to me?
I was complaining how long a banana tree at our backyard took to sprout fruit, and a family said "no wonder even the banana tree is infertile, the home owner herself is infertile"
how nice, right. you dont want to know how i answered back hahahha...
and of course i also got along the line of "what are you waiting for, youre not getting any younger yknow, or bila nak ada anak ni"
People could be downright insensitive.
Not everyone can take horrible comments with a pinch of salt you know.
My advice to those dealing with infertility, get help.
Stop moping and filling up your head with whys and get moving.
Read around, look up for other people's story and experience. Share. it makes the burden lighter.
And if you are unable to concieve just yet, This is part of God's plan, and He is Most Wise.
And should it be fated that you are not meant to have one of your own, maybe adoption is an answer. Maybe. There are lots of children out there begging for love. If you have some to spare, then maybe. Maybe.

Angry parents, are we?

My wise wise mother once told me, for some, the relationship with the in laws could be as happy and as dandy as could be, until a grandchild is born..
well, the ultimate reason : difference in parenting method.
.
.
years and years before we concieved, my husband and i has started discussing parenting method. well, mostly i broached the subject, he just go along with it.
I knew right away both of us are brought up in totally different environment.
Neither is better or worse, only different.
The first and most talked about subject is corporal punishment.
im not going to discuss that today.lets leave that to another time.
.
.
whenever i came across a first time mother to be, i get really excited and try to share as much as i know. And i always ask, so, hows your preparation.
Just to share what i think should be part of preparing to receive a child is as such;
- basic needs, clothing etc etc
- hypnobirth - have you read on this? do you have plan to practise it?
- breastfeeding - are u going to, are u not going to, have u read enough on breastfeeding?
- babywearing - have u heard of it, have u researched its benefit?
- early education - have you look it up?which method are you going to use?have you prepared the materials to teach your baby?
- parenting parenting parenting!

observing the community i live in, i dont think people really put much thought into what kind of parents we are going to be once the baby pops.
I think this is most important for young parents (at this century, i consider parents aged below 27 to be young,but that's just me!)
Often, people are busy focusing on basic necessities, that when the baby pops, it feels like the task is done. But birth is really a beginning!
.
.
Parents of today mostly works, leaving the baby at daycare or sitters. At the end of the long work day, they come to collect their children. The children are still energetic and pumped, while the poor tired parents just need a break after a long, hectic, office-politics-filled day!
My sister posted on her fb wall once, a qoute, and id like to qoute it back in my own words, without missing the jist of it,
"Children spend their day with stressed out teachers, only to come home to tired, angry parents, and we wonder why our youngsters are so screwed up"
okay, i tweaked the words a bit much hahahah but u get my drift, right.
I get comments from my father in law, or siblings in law on how soft i'm being with my girl, and if its up to them "dah lama dah kenaa.."
of course, i turn a deaf ear.
But the thing is, I have discussed with my husband way before we had the baby, on the kind of environment we want the baby to grow up in.
to me the mathematics are simple, angry parents=angry children=angry teens
my mom once told me how a step in parenting could affect your family for generations.
she said, if ur angry to your child, she wouldnt know any other way but to be angry with her child, and when your grandchild has children, she would also make an angry parent.
is this the kind of trait you hope to run in your family?
Im telling you, that woman is wiseeeeee...
I cringe everytime i see angry parents, for i pity the child.
And i do observe most of our people does not give enough respect to children.
talking to them like they are a nuisance, scream at them in public, up to the extend of slapping them in public.
I am not saying we let the child does anything she wants, and run wild!
But I am sure there are other more effective method aside from screaming and hitting!
we sure cant control the environment outside of home, of course.
My maryam speaks quite early. At around 12 months, she came home one day, saying, BUDUH.
It was as clear as day. She even used it correctly, when she's scolding her toys or things she couldnt reach. The first time we heard, our jaws dropped! But i tell my husband to give no reaction whatsoever, as if we dont know the word. Feel free to disagree, but she was only a year old.How much sense really, can we talk into a one year old toddler.
She still say it once in while, but we just ignore it. The best part when she said it in front of the grandparents..that was the funniest. the grandparents eyes were wide open, their jaws dropped. My Mil even said, "eh anak kau cakap tu.."
i just ask them to relax, and tell them the phase will pass.
True enough, we dont hear the word as much anymore. She has also started slapping people's wrist as punishment but we just advise her its not right to hit.
We cant stop our kids to parrot words and pick up what people around them are doing,
but what we can do is be at our best behavior around them. We all know parents are the best examples to their children.
so i suggest decide what kind of parents we plan to be before the kid arrives, so we a prepared.
Preach!