my baby had fever

hey hey hey...
I have been soooo carried away with raya, office work, and my baby being unwell that I havent been posting any entries. today is a dark cold cold saturday morning with my baby n husband sleeping sound on both sides so I decided I would write something.

Maryam came down with fever two weeks ago and has been coughing eversince. She has been on meds but doctor says if the cough doesnt settle down by monday, she has to be admitted for observation and other treatment. I've been praying for her to get well.

She has lost her appetite during the earlier course of the cough due to horrible red and sore throat and lost about 300 grams in a week. And that is saying a lot cause I just found out during the doctor's visit that my kid only weighs 8.5kgs at 16 months!

That is certainly taking after the father, I'll tell you that much! and I was telling everyone I'm sure she's close to 10 months now.

Please make du'a that my baby gets well soon. Her appetite is back almost as before so I'm enjoying our makan sessions. But of course the aftermath is not painless as she insisted on feeding herself now. So its mama suap and maryam suap at the same time. Anything to make her eat, at this point. and maybe something to make mama eats less, at this point hahaha! I have been steadily putting on weight from raya onwards.crazy.I really never learn from my obese weight.haish.

Maryam's speech is getting better! the other day she said "mama, poop!" and then she pooped. good job kid, but I dont see toilet training anytime soon as mama is just too lazy to clean up after accidents.maybe we shall consider potty after her 2years birthday.

I shall be posting again real soon, but right now i'm enjoying my undisturbed online-iPad time that I am going to end this post here.i foresee a fun filled weekend!

Maryam's funny language

Well, my baby girl has turned 16 months a few days ago. hey only 2 months shy of her 18th month birthday!
Her speech is getting clearer, more vocab of course, communication is easier.
"do you want ayer (water) maryam?"
"yash"*yes*
"do you love abah?"
"yash"
"do you love mama?"
*quiet, no reply*
hey not fair! I guess we still have a lot to work on eh.heheh.we'll get there.

It gets easier. she tells you where she has pain, what she wants, what she doesnt want.
not necessarily verbal all the time. I suppose a screamin' does count as communication! heh!

funny thing about her, she has started jumbling the syllable of some words. we experienced this with my niece, safya, last time when she was around this age.
And now maryam is going through this 'phase'.although it sure is funny!
and this happens when she gets excited and rushed her speech
she would go;

calling her aunt "mak ngah!mak ngah!ngahma!"
showing off her mosquito bite "mama, namuk, namuk, manuk"
even saying her own name " manyam.manyam.nyamam"

Super funny. we laughed our heads off when she's not looking, and listening. she makes the house merry!

*update*

i have been keeping this entry for five days!
sorry life has been a bit hectic
and i still cant figure out how to upload pictures here using iPad
buta apple sgt saya ni
maryam came down with a fever n cold a couple of days ago
but she is perfectly fine now
still quite a handful!
till then!

Giving up on breastfeeding

I'm sure almost all new mothers face difficulties breastfeeding for the first time, only at different levels. some maybe harder than the other.
I do feel my experience deserve a sharing, in the hopes that moms facing the same challenges will continue their struggle to feed their baby, InsyaAllah
Although I must warn you, this is not a story of success!

Here's my story:

My breastfeeding journey isnt really a walk in the park. I knew I wanted to bf my baby, but didnt prepare much (except for purchasing my pump way earlier, in the early stage of pregnancy!hah!). On baby's first day, the nurse at the hospital asked me to bf. I had colostrum but baby couldnt latch properly due to the nature of my nipple (I wouldnt discuss the architecture of my nipple here, ahem, but whatever you read on the shapes of nipple that makes breastfeeding harder, mine is one of those!hehehe). Not much milk came out neither, which is normal, only i didnt know this. With some coaxing from the nurse, I reluctantly agreed for the nurse to feed my baby formula. I was scared the baby would die of hunger. Yes, all this craziness within only two days of baby being born. so unnecessary! But of course, being an unprepared newbie, I gave in.

After the milk came, I continue to bf, still doesnt know the signs of baby correctly latched, baby being full or had enough milk. After 10 days, the nurse came to the house and weigh the baby, only to know that she has lost 11% of her birth weight. A normal weight lost should not exceed 10%, i was told. I then panicked, and it occurs to me that maybe she didnt get much milk. This was a possibilty since she hardly seem satisfied after a feeding session. I then pumped my milk and fed her with a spoon. Only then she showed signs of being full and content with the feeding. There you have it. It finally sank in that my baby has not been properly fed for 10 days! and i, being a super dramatic mom-in-confinement translates this into " my baby has been starving for 10 days!". I felt like a horrible mom.I felt like a failure.

An so I pumped and spoon fed my baby for four days. I saw my girl choked on the milk, and cried. Got scolded by mom for crying, fearing if I fall into postpartum depression. And I cried some more for being scolded. hahahahah and sulked at my mom for a couple of days after.

Then one day, on the fourteenth day, I ran out of ebm to feed the baby. And no milk came out when I pumped. Back then I didnt know that baby's sucking is much stronger than pump, and can draw out milk when the pump cant. I thought pumping was good enough since mine was a hospital grade pump (hello medela freestyle!heheheh). Baby started screaming with hunger, and I didnt know what else to do, tried to give her boobie, but she couldnt latch properly. We had no formula kept in the house and it was 5am in the morning, no shops were open. Baby cried, I cried, mom tried to feed baby with water. It was heartbreaking. I even thought, thats it. maybe breastfeeding is not for me. I was going to pump again when boobs are full and planned to supplement with formula. I thought not everyone is meant to breastfeed, and I am one of those.

My mom rushed to buy formula as soon as the shop opened. After 2oz of formula, baby slept. I was a mess. Then my sister and her family arrived! She came back to Ipoh because she had a feeling I was facing the same problem she faced last time. Well, nipple architecture runs in the family, I tell you. Thank you genetics.heheh.
True enough, we had the same problem. So she taught me how to latch baby on.Stood behind me for the longest time, holding my breast, cradled the baby's head, cheered me on, shouted kata-kata semangat, and breastfed my baby when I was being a baby for having my nipples chapped from all those trying to latch effort.
And she breastfed my baby when I was upset and wanted to sleep. Yes, Im more of a quitter kind. My sister was more of the determined, tough chic kind.hahahha. I owe that woman so much. I love her. She's my sanity!
and two days later, before she left for KL, i was able to direct feed my baby myself. We latched beautifully and baby steadily gained weight.

It was a mixed emotion. Finally able to correctly latched and feed my baby,only two days ago thinking maybe I was meant to only pump and bottle feed her. It was a huge feeling of syukur, grateful, triumph, success, you name it. It felt like the biggest success of my life, after childbirth!

since then, I have been exclusively breastfeeding her for seven months, and continue to direct feed her at home while supplementing her with formula at daycare. Because I was a lazy ass and stopped pumping after the seventh month.

Lazy ass aside, I have been breastfeeding my little Maryam for one year and four months now. I hope to share on how much I love breastfeeding in the coming entry.

The point of this entry is also to share the mistakes I made in the hopes that it helps others, so here goes.

1) Not reading/researching enough on breastfeeding.
I must confess that during pregnancy, I focused a lot, or maybe a little too much on birth process that I didnt read up enough on breastfeeding and early education. This is despite my sister's constant reminder to do so!I would strongly suggest one to read on how the body produces milk first and foremost. It is most important that we know how our body works, only then we can trust our body's ability to breastfeed. Because how can we trust something we don't understand, right? Then, continue reading on latching technique, expressing milk (for working moms), and how to store and handle expressed milk the right way. I would also suggest reading on problems faced in breastfeeding.

2)Get support
I am lucky that I have a supportive environment. My sister, mother, most of my aunts breastfeed their kids. But I feel for working moms, we do need more support as it takes a lot more effort than those direct feeding their babies. Pumping, for instance, isnt fun and does requires effort, determination and willpower. If you are lucky like myself, good for you, but if you are not, then you need to create that supportive surrounding. Start with the husband. Get him to support you. And of course no one would support a cause they dont understand. So get your husband to understand the benefit of breastfeeding. To the baby, to the mom, and to the mom-baby relationship and to the baby's emotional development. Breastfeeding is more than just "oh, formula is just too expensive nowadays"

3)Get help. In my case I had my sister. Who took leave just to help me get the right latch!Just because she wanted my to have the benefit and pleasure of breastfeeding like she had. I owe that woman so much.and I took leave to assist my younger sister who
later faced the same problem. she even had it tougher that my elder sister, and I, and Alhamdulillah, she is also breasfeeding her baby now. My elder sister had to get help from a lactation consultant since there's no one in the family that could help.so remember,If there's no one, look up for a lactation consultant in your area and make an appointment!

During labor : hypnobirth breathing technique

There's a blog i always follow asking on labor breathing technique, so I figure, let's share the hypnobirth way!

well, there's three types of breathing.All to be used at the different phases of labor.

First - the relaxation breathing. This is used, well, as the name recommends, to relax. Aside from when contraction hits, or delivering the baby, this type of breathing is to be used at all times.And best of all, this can be used well after labor. In your everyday life, when you are tensed, feel that temper raising, horrible bowel movement while waiting for your loo turn (heheheheh), use this technique
Technique : breathe in through the nose while quietly counting from one to seven (macam kira satu saat, dua saat tiga saat), then breathe out through the nose again, while quietly counting from one to seven. the key here is to focus on the counting. This helps distract you from the pain.

Second - while having contraction. Once you feel a contraction coming,use this breathing. It's a very slow breathing, and requires practise. It is best to practise 4 weeks before your EDD.
Technique : breathe in through your nose, while quietly counting from one to eight, the VERY, VERY SLOWLY release (breathe out) while quietly counting from one to TWENTY. When I first started, by the fourteen count dah habis dah breathe out semua udara. hahaha that's why one must practise this technique earlier. But, do not cheat and hold your breath semata2 nak sampaikan kiraan 20 tu. you must slowly release the air. This technique makes your body totally relax n lembut, so you will not clench or keraskan your body when contraction comes. Bila badan keras contraction becomes even more painful. So dont grab that bed railing (or your husband's arm ahahha), instead lembutkan badan and relax, slowly breathe sampai contraction passed.
Birth partner/husband's role : husband's can play their part in this technique. Discuss with your husband what signal to use to show you're having contraction. Cuit tgn ke, tepuk tilam ke.so he will know what you are experiencing at the moment. try not to talk, because this takes your energy and distract your concentration. Husbands can then help by counting 1-8, then 1-20, to help you to stay focus and back on track. Having assistance like this help prevent you from 'losing it'

Third : when pushing the baby out. Really, this one is the trickiest as it is opposite from what hospitals practise. In hypnobirth, you are recommended to breathe out the baby, and not use your might to push out. But, best follow your doctor since I am not a liscenced hypnobirth trainer. Still, I shall share the method anyway.
Technique : breathe in while quietly (dalam hati) counting from one to seven. Then breathe out quickly as if you are breathing the baby out. This also requires practise, and best part is, the only almost real situation when you can practise is when pooping. hehehhe infact, when you are done delivering the baby, this technique can still be used everytime you poop! hahahah! When you are on the toilet seat feeling an urge to pass motion, breathe in counts of eight, then breathe down! this way, your body is relaxed and not stiff/clenched, so passing is easier.
This works,really. go try.hahahah

nota kaki : i wouldnt recommend holding your breathe at any time as oxygen supply is crucial to keep baby calm and oxygen sampai to baby's brain. I also wouldnt recommend breathing through the mouth as it tires you out faster and tekak/mulut cepat kering.pastu dahaga. Also I wouldnt recommend breathing in gulps of air, because it makes you kelam kabut and breathing tak smooth. I feel that steady and consistant breathing helps keep baby calm and relaxed, so dia lahir pun relax saja tak marah marah.

InsyaAllah, practising hypnobirth breathing shall ease the delivery process by a mile, and help you stay relaxed and calm. You wont even remember to ask for epidural, because you are too busy focusing on your breathing, counting, and trusting your body's ability to birth naturally.

Good luck dear ceeramoon. May Allah Swt Makes it easy for you.Amin.

I'm back, post raya!

This is unbelievably short cos I am already in the office and work is keeping me busy.
After the long raya silence, I am back and has steadily put back on the weight I lost during Ramadhan. pftt.
Okay gotta get back to work. Laters!

Selamat tinggal Ramadhan 1433H

Assalamualaikum wbt

Saya dengan rendah hati ingin memohon ampun dan maaf kepada sahabat/keluarga yang membaca blog ini atas segala kesilapan dan kekhilafan saya sepanjang kita berhubungan.

Setiap tahun pun sedih rasa bila Ramadhan nak tinggalkan kita. Especially bila amal ibadah saya tak seberapa mana. Cabaran tahun ni lebih sikit sebab ada toddler, dan sebab saya tak bersedia terlebih dahulu. Menyesal tak ikut nasihat kakak saya, prepare for Ramadhan, those who simply stumbles upon Ramadhan without gearing up for it first will find themselves unprepared.
Astaghfirullahalazim.

Tahun ini betul2 berharap dalam hati supaya tahun depan lebih baik,lebih baik,lagi kualiti ibadah dan pengisian Ramadhan. Istajib dua anaa ya Allah!

Kegembiraan saya menyambut raya adalah kerana ahli keluarga ada bersama. Rindu pada adik beradik n mak. Tapi x dpt menutup terkilan hati kerana x kuat melawan nafsu utk beribadah.

Kepada Ustazah Wan Jah, walaupun tak membaca blog ini, terima kasih. Atas usaha anda, insyaAllah ramai orang mendapat hidayah mendapat ilmu.
Ustazah kak wan selalu sebut dalam doa beliau,
"Ya Allah, jadikanlah aku penyebab orang lain mendapat hidayah"
setiap kali sampai part situ airmata dia mengalir.
ya Allah, Kau Berilah pahala setimpal kepada Kak Wan atas usahanya, Kau Permudahkanlah dakwahnya dan Kau Lindungilah dia selalu.
Semoga tahun depan kak Wan bantu saya lagi untuk bersedia awal.

Ustazah Wan Jah juga menyebut, hiasilah malam raya dengan berqiamullail. Kerana malam raya adalah malam2 yang doa paling makbul. Dan dimana pahala mencurah2.
wallahualam.sekadar berkongsi. Semoga saya menjadi penyebab orang lain mendapat hidayah.
Amin.

Sedih sungguh hati ini. tapi menyesal tiada berguna.
Ustazah saya juga pesan jangan sombong meminta kepada Allah, oleh itu, permintaan saya,

Ya Allah, Kau Temukanlah aku dengan Ramadhan tahun hadapan dan berikutnya.
Istajib dua ana, Ya Allah....

Teaching your baby to swim

I started teaching Maryam to swim at the age of 10 months old.
Let's share on what I have dug up so far from the teaching-baby-to-swim sites I've been researching on.

- when parents take kids to the pool, they normal allow the kids only in wading pools.
Well, if u decide to teach them to swim, dont. They need to learn in the adult pool, with the parents/parent. And do you know the big pool is better for babies since the water circulation is better, so its cleaner than the wading pool. This goes without saying actually, since you know the difference of the color of water in both.Heh.

- do not use float. Like I mention in my previous related entry, I was looking for the neck float at first before I found out there's no need for this.Float gave your child false sense of security, then they wouldnt know how to react in cases of emergencies (hold their breath etc etc)

-SUPER COMMON misconception - just throw them in the water, they will naturally swim.
Not true, well , unless the baby youre trying to teach is your pet fish!
I get sooo aggravated with this one cause when most people see us training maryam at the public pool they would say "orang putih campak je anak diorang dalam air ""the westerners simply throw their babies in the water"
oi.gila ke.these are babies, not fishes ye. Teach n train them first. I am sorry Im letting myself get emotional on this.So stupid. Campak je. Pfft.

- common mistakes people make when they see us with maryam in the adult pool is to bring their kids (3,4,5 years old) into the deep end, expecting them to be calm.
And comparing the kid to maryam "tengok baby tu, relax je,awak yang besar ni penakut"
Let me throw you, who cant swim to save your life, in the middle of the sea and see how you fare. Another pfft moment. poor kid will be screaming and kicking about trying to get out.

-some parent waits until laters to teach, since swimming for babies is not common here. But the older they get the harder it will be due to natural fear of water. for Maryam, swimming has made her a water buff. Or probably that's her natural character. Nonetheless, it makes bath time easy. She wont fret if you pour water down her face, or a few times, try to dip her face into the bath tub. in the west they start as early as 2 weeks after birth, using heated pools. I know my friends who bring their babies to the pool at four months old

-to get them comfortable in the water, make full use of the baby bathtub. Most people ditch the baby bathtub once their babies are able to stand (supported). Maryam still uses hers until now although its a bit small for now. We are planning to get a bigger plastic tub for her bath time. I feel babies learn a lot during bathtime. A water buff myself, bath time should be made longer and funner, and not "cepat la keluar, apa buat lagi dalam tu!" i enjoy bathing Maryam, Safya my niece and Ilyas my nephew together when we go back kampung.super fun!

- learn the right method and have faith! these are the most important if you,cheap like myself are going to teach them swimming. There's a command to use which is "*insert baby's name*, ready, go" which is commonly used by most sites. I even use a certain voice so she can anticipate that she's going to be submerged under water or have water pour down her head in a moment. of course now she is talking, whenever i call her name using my 'instructor' *ahem* voice, she would say "yeady" and then "go". super funny. Do not start teaching once you have researched up on this and watch related videos. This is also for safety reasons

-and of course, have faith, believe in your baby's potential. the first time I was going to dunk her, i was so scared. what if she swallowed, what if she breathe the water in.
but when she came up relaxed, and reach out for her toy, you knew this baby is smarter than you think! ahhahahah

-know her signals.respect her cues. if she does not want to continue, if she fusses, then stop. this is suppose to be fun for her. and there's always other times to teach.dont rush her.

Look up here and enjoy!

Teaching your baby : baby learn the quran!

I love to sing. Fortunately, I am fully aware that I have no talent whatsoever to speak of. So when I became pregnant with Maryam, I knew that's my ready audience right there!

I started singing to her in the early days. Incy wincy spider, 25 rasul, the salawat, ol tok dolah has a farm, twinkle2, one two buckle my shoe.and the list go on and on. there was no stopping the karaoke song list!

We also got her lots of soft books and baby books with hard pages.

But we did neglect to teach her the quran. it was my elder sister, who is my other guru *and also maryam's ibu susuan, love!* aside from my mom, who introduced me to Islamic Parenting Network! and how they start teaching children to read the quran at a very young age.

As you know, I teach Maryam to swim on my own to avoid the expensive swimming classes fees *cheaaaapppp* but i truly decided to teach her the Quran because I want her to learn the basic of reading Arabic, and tajweed from me, myself!I have been observing that most parents find it a must to send their child to learn the Quran from a teacher at around 6 to 7 years because they feel they cant teach the kids themselves.
I say different. We started having a tajweed class organized at work once a week this year and the primary reason we decided to do so is so that we can teach our own children. The ustazah is one of our officers who is certified by the Johor Islamic Council to teach. We couldnt be more proud! Allah has made the path so easy for us. A certified tajweed teacher among us. Masha Allah!

I bought the package for 12-18 year old children from here. The package consist of many items but the one i like best is the flashcards! Maryam loves it to.
Islamic Parenting Network says that its best to start teaching at the age of 10 months. We startes Maryam at 12. I feel its okay. Now that you know, of course its best to start em young but if you just find out, start now no matter what age your child is.

Another helpful teaching material *although not necessarily the best, i think* are the learning hijaiyah alphabet youtube videos. Maryam loves them, albeit overly much. She would say " Ba ta sa, ba ta sa! apet!which really means iPad.sigh "
I'd say try to recite the alphabet to the baby yourself, and use the youtube videos when the situation really calls for it! Here's to hoping our children wont become apet iPad addicts T______T

The thing about babies is there is so much things to teach them and they wont get confused or burdened or stressed out. unlike us, old people hahahaha
But of course mengajarlah dengan fun, lembut and penuh kasih sayang. Let them move at their own pace. Learning should be fun and a lifelong process!

To me the idea of early education is not to push them babies incessantly, acting like crazy, anal parents.

Its about assisting your child to learn as much as they are capable of, achieve their most potentil, instead of wasting their time on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

we can do it moms!insyaAllah!

Early education : how early is EARLY?

My mom is passionate about early education for infants.
But having ten children, close in age, she did not have enough time to train each babies.
She however manage to fully practise training infants on one of my brother, the seventh child.
And she said his progress was much faster than the rest of us, which is to say a lot since non of us are slow or lagging compared to other babies.
She said my brother was not necessarily a genius, only trained.
and that has been my tagline when preaching early education to friends. trained or untrained?
I remember her using this book called How to Have a Brighter Child. Mom said it was by an australian author.I looked it up online tp tak jumpa.
.
.
Well, you can only imagine how paranoid she became when my sister got pregnant with her first grandchild. she went an bought a book on early education for my sister.

'how to have a smarter baby' by Dr. Susan Ludington-Hoe. *i suck at uploading photos.bear with me.google it up will ya!*

Naturally when I got pregnant, my mom n sister couldnt stop pestering me enought to prepare for baby's early education
So I bought a copy of the same book and start reading.
.
.
Early education for babies actually starts from the day she was born. Its easy for us to assume that infants do not understand much and teaching should start well after they became toddlers.
Well, this is how parents lose the most precious period of their babies lives!
Early education is all about starting early.
Human beings absorbs n learns faster in the first two months of our lives.
The rate gets lower but is still very high in the first six months.
and then it just gradually decreases.
Which explains why its hard for us to absorb new things when we are older.
and why babies absorb like a sponge!
one classic mistake about early education is it burdens the baby.


" i dont want to push them too early, imagine the pressure they face having to learn so much at such a tender age, oh, why overeact on it, babies are babies, just focus on their growing up, then start teaching them"


do you know that infants and babies loooove to learn. they just have the thirst for it.
and your baby is actually enjoying all this "learning" time.
for us practising early education makes my husband and i realize that if not for the book, we wouldnt know what to play with the baby. What game is most appropriate and in sync with her progress that month.
And besides our baby loves it!

I am definitely going to blog more on early education. until then, for pregnant mothers out there, start researching on this, and you will be doing yourselves and your babies the biggest favor!huge!

and besides, who better to be our child's first teacher but us!
and look up Glenn Doman! he is an advocate of infants ability to learn.
start educating your babies using methods that has been studied and approved by these experts. As Dr Ludington-Hoe wrote in her book, this has got nothing about inheriting clever genes from the parents. This are researched, tested and approved methods!

Athough, should you still believe in the gene pool bit,
my girl got it from her momma!hehehhhehe

My birth story : my first born Part 2

Lets continue from where we left off
The doctor insisted on giving me pitocin despite my objection. He said its not an option since the baby has already pooped.
I was then strapped to the ECG machine. I had asked to let me walk around because I dont want to deal with the contraction lying down on the bed.
The doctor refuses since my water was already broken.
I had no choice but to go through contraction on the bed. So I chose the best option available, laboring on my left side. they nurse did ask me to turn on my back for VE and delivery and boy did it hurt! Im telling you, labor on your side .i dont know how women endure contraction on their backs!madness!

I then asked husband to get the nurse to teach him to read the ECG lines so we can be left alone and husband would know should the baby gets stressed.
At this point the pain was about a minute apart. The nurse offered me Pethidine to which i quickly said no. I wanted my baby to come under no effect of painkiller whatsoever.

So we were left alone and had our mcD bubur ayam n nuggets in the labor room.best gila doctor was so cool x kisah kitorang makan2. and i listened to surah alquran on the mp3. hypnobirth tip:listen to relaxation music that u have been listening over n over/familiar with. you will get the cd along with the book. only i chose to listen to surah alquran that i am familiar with and has been reading over n over. which is surah maryam. husband felt smart and downloaded a different surah in the mp3.i swear i was so angry at him.tip:please remind your husband to follow instruction and dont simply decide for listening material during labor.he's not the one popping babies ye!

at one point the pain was so intense i was sure i was at least 6 cm dilated. Called the nurse and ask her to do VE, although initially i did not want VE and even the nurses did not insist on it. but i was a bit mental at this point hahahah
and she said i was 4cm on.four? just four? heck, bring on the pethidine!i said.
i do regret taking it tho cos the pain didnt lessen one bit!

At some point the pain was intense that i lost track of my breathing so husband stood beside me the whole time, guiding my breathing and applying pressure.he just stood there for hours! while at the same time checking the baby's heartbeat. i tell you.that guy is a great birth partner, no question!

Well, I was birthing on my own when the nurse came in and saw baby was already crowning. i was fully dilated.So she alerted the doctor and pleaded me to push the baby out before the doctor came and force me to push. now, i did not want to push until i really feel the urge.I was relaxly breathing the baby down.

I remembered reading somewhere that once you start talking and thinking craziest thoughts, Most likely youre fully dilated.true enough, that was my cue. hypnobirth suggest you not to talk to save energy. so i had this crazy thought in my head. Looked at my mom on my left (yes, besides husband, my mom was there with me the whole time too.yay!) and thought how could she do this for ten times! and looked at my husband, if i hadnt slept with him this wouldnt have happened! why did i do this to myself!why didnt i just opt for ceasarean!why didnt i take epidural!hahahahah im telling you.those were the pain talking! dont believe any of it.but dont brush it aside either, cos thats actually your cue to being fully dilated! but most importantly dont talk cos itll definitely take energy out of you.

At 2.45 the doctor came in, chewing gum, no less! Ask me to quickly push the baby out "lemas nanti!" i lost my hypno what not, pushed, felt the ring of fire, got episiotomy, which hurt like hell despite people "tak rasa pun", and at 2.47am the baby came.

it was kelamkabut towards the end that i forgot to ask the doctor to let husband cut the umbilical cord. I didnt even get to bond with the baby straight away cos she was put under observation due to the pooping. oh but husband (super birth partner yooo!)held the camcorder the whole time and took the labor and delivery video. the doctor was so cool allowing us to record!

I asked the doctor to be released the same day but he insisted i stayed another day since my 2 day one night package wasnt yet used up.pffft. i hate hospitals.regardless how comfortable!
oh and the best part was turn out baby was perfectly fine. she was not stressed at all the whole time and came out relaxed. Baby didnt cry straight away and the doctor didnt mind. no smacking of the butt and all. i guess as long as she was breathing fine, shouldnt be a problem.

was discharged the next day, and mommyhood began!

My husband, on giving birth

The other day my husband asked his heavily pregnant sister
"bila kau bersalin ni"
"lima minggu lagi"
"beg dah siap x? mana beg?taknampak pun"
"dah siap.tinggal nk letak dlm kereta je"
"dah bersedia belum"
"besedia apa"
"nak bersalin la"

my SIL was confused with the question, so i quipped, i have already given her the hypnobirth book

" kau baca buku tu, jgn tak baca"
"memang la tgh baca pun"
"baca buku tu, jgn nanti nak panic tak tentu pasal"

you see there, you see there?
no uterus whatsoever, but a true hypnobirth advocate hahahaha

propaganda saya

hari ni cakap melayu. baru perasan entry semua cakap omputih.
apa telah terjadi kepada janji janji palsu nak buat satu entry sehari
very la propaganda
anyway tadi sneak out during lunch hour n got maryam a dress n a blouse for raya
i like whimsical designs n stay away from top to toe pink, too much ruffles, too much flowery prints, pale pale colors..
never really fancy OTT girlish dress. i love girls outfit in dark blue, green, grey, n such.i like to think that a mom dresses a daughter the why the mom secretly wishes she could dress!
kan kan kan ...jgn tipu ye.. i know.so like to guess a mom's secretly favorite style by looking at how she dresses her girl
because trust me, i would dress myself different tp sah sah la yg i bekenan tu dress-dress nmpak aurat kan ahahahhahahah
and chubby moms like me does not have that much choice of nice clothing in the market ye!
eh,what happen to ckp melayu!propah!
anyways, for raya, maryam has got a new pair of baju kurung, a new dress n a new blouse. the rest are a pair of hand me downs baju kurung, pants n dresses.
and im still impatiently waiting for my brother to come back from the US cos i got maryam's outfits i ordered n got sent to his US address. nothing fancy. just some clothing items from thechildrensplace and carter. again, i find even gymboree and Gap too pricey for my liking. hahahahahahah

Yes, I AM cheap. I know that. no reminder is necessary! hahahhaah
tak berapa excited nak raya lah. maybe cos my ramadhan not so fruitful!sigh...

My birth story : my first born!

This is the story of the day i gave birth to my girl, Maryam. It is written in the hope that expected moms can get a bit of info on how the process went for me. Of course bearing in mind that it's different for every mom and every birth. Although, seeing that my story is a rather uncomplicated delivery, maybe there are moms out there whos stories are almost the same as mine!

I managed to get transferred back to JB from Putrajaya on the 32nd week of pregnancy. Was told off by my gynae for driving long distance in such advanced stage. But like I said, I had a fairly easy pregnancy, so my guard was down. and thanfully nothing bad happened along the way!

I was kind of hoping that baby would come 2 weeks early, for i was tired of being pregnant and anxious to meet the baby, and anxious to practise my well trained hypnobirth breathing technique hahahhahahaha

The doctor told me on my 38th week that its already save should I give birth anytime now since the baby has fully matured. He said I can pick a date I like and he can induce the delivery. i get the baby early and still get the normal delivery I wanted, on the date that I like. But of course, I said NO. I wanted a natural birth, so natural birth it is. The baby will come when her time comes.

So I went back home and to work and waited. the hospital bag was already in the car, all packed!and truth be told, I only got the bag and everything ready on the 38th week, despite my mom's contant nagging that everything should be done and ready by the 28th week!

so my mom came from Ipoh on Friday, with my youngest brother, Hassan. I took them out to the market for food supplies since we'll be staying in JB for a week after birth.
On saturday, woke up to no signs of delivery, was disappointed. i did not experience any braxton hicks at all throughout pregnancy so I know no contraction means no signs of delivery. So I made nasik goreng for breakfast, wash the dishes.I couldnt sit still. Im afraid I was most active during pregnancy, and lazy for the rest of my life!hahahaha
At 8.30 am, I felt the first ever contractionnnnn! I knew right away it was contraction since I have never felt anything like it before. And besides, saturday was my EDD!
At the time, the gap between the surges (contraction) were about 40 minutes apart. They were consistent, and then became 30 minutes apart. i was so excited. I knew this was it. The thing about hypnobirth practising mothers, i feel, is they are more relax eventhough its their first because hypnobirth explains the way your body works. So you trust your body and its natural ability to birth you baby.
At 3 pm the bloody show came. I was so excited. Showed to husband. He said okay. Even he was relax after all those giving birth lectures I gave him! Since my husband was going to be my birth partner, I have been training him on birth process, my breathing technique and his part in the whole thing.
The surges grew stronger but was not unbearable thanks to breathing technique.
I decided to go to the hospital only after Isya'. So around 9.30 pm off we went to the hospital, not before stopping at McD for a drive through.
By the time we got to Hospital Penawar Pasir Gudang which is a mere 10 minutes drive away, surges were 2-3 minutes apart, but i held my cool hahahahah. I knew if the pain is still bearable, then its still a loooong way to go. And boy was i right.

Got sent straight to the delivery room. I was the only one giving birth that night. How nice. The nurse inserted the poo poo pill and we husband and i went to the loo for business. Then doctor came and said he has to break my water bag. I told him no, no, I want to go natural. He said no can do. Since Im past my EDD, he's worried if the placenta is able to hold on. Like he said it "at 40 weeks,placenta you ni dah tua,kalau orang, dah bejanggut ni.takut unable to supply oxygen well so we must pecahkan the bag, to quicken the birth process"
I gave in. He broke the bag with the hook thing and his first reaction was
"Allah, you tengok air ni color apa"
I got panicky. Turns out baby has pooped. I asked the doctor what color was it, and he showed me.It was only yellowish. I knew if its not green, theres high chance baby pooped because her system has matured, and not due to stress.
The doctor even mention csect at some point, but I refuse "oh no doctor! mahal mahal!"
ahhahahah that's just me, being a cheapo in every situation, dire or not!
husband almost gave in saying lets just csect if we have to.
oh, try cut YOUR belly open yourself! senang la cakap!
and besides I read somewhere that the scare was should the poo(meconium) gets into baby's brain, or lungs, not if swallowed through the mouth (kindly seek REAL medical advise. this is only for sharing purposes)
The doctor gave in and said to monitor her heartbeat and should baby's graph shows any sign of stress at all, then off to the operating table with you!
Hey this is rather lengthy. Lets continue in another entry!see ye!

Iftar Pak Dollah Air Tawar 4 style

Semalam had the chance to go back to kota tinggi for iftar. And a bit of shopping.
We do go back often since its dekat and secretly, I do it for the inlaws.
FIL n MIL dok berdua je at home and I can tell how lonely they are. Maryam is a therapy for them. its worthwhile to see them laughing at her antics, playing with her. If only I could do the same for my mom. The 500km distance that separates us...haishh..

aaaanyway, kat rumah my in laws food memang always in abundance. Tak pernahnya makanan x cukup or ngam ngam. they always overdo at meal times.taking iftar semalam for example,
the food were;

nasik putih
leftover bihun
ayam masak merah
udang goreng
sotong sumbat
tetel ungkep
kerang sambal (beli)
sayur lemak
telur puyuh sambal (beli)
ikan goreng leftover
almost 6 types of kuih
air teh o, laici, kathira
.
.
and only FOUR people were there.

crazy i'm telling you. My FIL is called pak dollah anyway, hence the title! hahahha
even husband was baffled at how much food there were
I tell you, the inlaws contributes to 40% of me being obese.
the other 60% was my own doing!hahahah
But the best part is we get to bring the food home for sahur.yeah we are cheap (and spoilt)like that. not to mention the tetel ungkep was faaaabbbbbb!

I miss having iftar with my mom. tahun ni mungkin sempat sehari je before raya.
The simplicity of it, my mom worrying if the food tak habis.
I miss home.

Swimming baby!

I love the swimming pool, and the ocean, and air terjun, and river and waterpark. Water places! Except I do not like showering. ehem..heheh
I always knew that I want Maryam to enjoy the water as much as DH and I do.
We call ourselves water buffs, only, truth be told, we can only swim to save our life.
Cant even save the person next to us. Tsk.
.
So when Maryam turned 9 months old, I decided its time for her to hit the water!
I was googling this neck float I saw at a mother's blog, thinking of getting one for Maryam.9
As I was looking around, I came across on pages about teaching your baby to swim.
One says by the time babies turn 10 months old, they will develop natural fear of water. This is when they started kicking and splashing went they get into the pool.
Boy did I panicked! Told the husband we MUST take the little miss to the public pool right this weekend!
Now I bought Maryam's swimming suit when I was about 6 months pregnant. I wanted THAT much for her to enjoy the water! hahahha.It was on sale, Speedo for RM10!Steallllll!
And I learnt that float, neck float and such is not an option because it provide false security for the baby. So, strike that one off.
Next I looked for swimming diaper but found the only kind I could get my hands on asap is the disposble one. So we went and bought the Huggies swimming diaper at carrefour.
Although we are still looking for a good swim diaper online, since her disposable ones are running out. But at steal prices of course *cheapskatemom*. hey to my defense, swim wear are darn expensive, adult or baby!
I was really confident I would teach my baby to swim myself. Hey they say parents are natural teachers dont they? and teaching her means I would spend a lot of time with her. And I would save a lot on swimming lesson fees *cheapskatemom* ok to be honest, the save up on fee is the primary reason!
there you have it, I wanted the lesson free..hahahahahha
and beside Its hard to find lessons for baby. I doubt there's even one in JB.
.
Well, you sure can tell this entry will be in parts!
As for now, for those who are interested to train their little fishes on their own, go to this site www.uswim.com
I followed their method, printed the tutorials and all.
I love uswim! Will be blogging more on swimming baby pretty soon, so stick around!

Infertility part 4 : dealing with the emotions, coping with the frustrations

When I first realize I am actually dealing with infertility, I turned to Trying-To-concieve forums and blogs. It was great help. One should not desert themselves and deal with the issue alone. Infertility goes beyond the questions of "what should we do, what is the next step, what method is available out there, which doctor is the best around?"
.
.
Often, people who does not face this issue are not aware that it goes deeper than that.
"why me?why is everyone else concieving so easily?Is it me or him?what have i done to deserve this?what if people keep asking?how would i answer?"
.
i am telling you, the craziest things goes through a woman's head. We think, and overthink, and then we think some more!
I try to talk to peole who's struggling, sharing as much as i could. The treatment i went through, the doctor i liked.
But never once I dare say,
" Ala, takpa la,sabar je. nanti nanti ada la tu"
crazy.how would you know?are you God?what if this woman is not able to concieve ever.
you might think I am overreacting. But believe me, this crosses my mind everytime a well meaning old lady says this to my face.
Truth is you dont know how many years a person has been trying, if she had multiple misscarriages, or maybe the husband is having problem and what nots.
My advice, be kind and pray "Harap2 Allah helps you to concieve."
then just shut up
dont offer stupid suggestions "maybe youre doing it wrong, maybe your husband is the one infertile, cepat cepat la sikit, umur tu dah banyak."
I am telling you, the crazy things people say.
What is the worst thing someone said to me?
I was complaining how long a banana tree at our backyard took to sprout fruit, and a family said "no wonder even the banana tree is infertile, the home owner herself is infertile"
how nice, right. you dont want to know how i answered back hahahha...
and of course i also got along the line of "what are you waiting for, youre not getting any younger yknow, or bila nak ada anak ni"
People could be downright insensitive.
Not everyone can take horrible comments with a pinch of salt you know.
My advice to those dealing with infertility, get help.
Stop moping and filling up your head with whys and get moving.
Read around, look up for other people's story and experience. Share. it makes the burden lighter.
And if you are unable to concieve just yet, This is part of God's plan, and He is Most Wise.
And should it be fated that you are not meant to have one of your own, maybe adoption is an answer. Maybe. There are lots of children out there begging for love. If you have some to spare, then maybe. Maybe.

Angry parents, are we?

My wise wise mother once told me, for some, the relationship with the in laws could be as happy and as dandy as could be, until a grandchild is born..
well, the ultimate reason : difference in parenting method.
.
.
years and years before we concieved, my husband and i has started discussing parenting method. well, mostly i broached the subject, he just go along with it.
I knew right away both of us are brought up in totally different environment.
Neither is better or worse, only different.
The first and most talked about subject is corporal punishment.
im not going to discuss that today.lets leave that to another time.
.
.
whenever i came across a first time mother to be, i get really excited and try to share as much as i know. And i always ask, so, hows your preparation.
Just to share what i think should be part of preparing to receive a child is as such;
- basic needs, clothing etc etc
- hypnobirth - have you read on this? do you have plan to practise it?
- breastfeeding - are u going to, are u not going to, have u read enough on breastfeeding?
- babywearing - have u heard of it, have u researched its benefit?
- early education - have you look it up?which method are you going to use?have you prepared the materials to teach your baby?
- parenting parenting parenting!

observing the community i live in, i dont think people really put much thought into what kind of parents we are going to be once the baby pops.
I think this is most important for young parents (at this century, i consider parents aged below 27 to be young,but that's just me!)
Often, people are busy focusing on basic necessities, that when the baby pops, it feels like the task is done. But birth is really a beginning!
.
.
Parents of today mostly works, leaving the baby at daycare or sitters. At the end of the long work day, they come to collect their children. The children are still energetic and pumped, while the poor tired parents just need a break after a long, hectic, office-politics-filled day!
My sister posted on her fb wall once, a qoute, and id like to qoute it back in my own words, without missing the jist of it,
"Children spend their day with stressed out teachers, only to come home to tired, angry parents, and we wonder why our youngsters are so screwed up"
okay, i tweaked the words a bit much hahahah but u get my drift, right.
I get comments from my father in law, or siblings in law on how soft i'm being with my girl, and if its up to them "dah lama dah kenaa.."
of course, i turn a deaf ear.
But the thing is, I have discussed with my husband way before we had the baby, on the kind of environment we want the baby to grow up in.
to me the mathematics are simple, angry parents=angry children=angry teens
my mom once told me how a step in parenting could affect your family for generations.
she said, if ur angry to your child, she wouldnt know any other way but to be angry with her child, and when your grandchild has children, she would also make an angry parent.
is this the kind of trait you hope to run in your family?
Im telling you, that woman is wiseeeeee...
I cringe everytime i see angry parents, for i pity the child.
And i do observe most of our people does not give enough respect to children.
talking to them like they are a nuisance, scream at them in public, up to the extend of slapping them in public.
I am not saying we let the child does anything she wants, and run wild!
But I am sure there are other more effective method aside from screaming and hitting!
we sure cant control the environment outside of home, of course.
My maryam speaks quite early. At around 12 months, she came home one day, saying, BUDUH.
It was as clear as day. She even used it correctly, when she's scolding her toys or things she couldnt reach. The first time we heard, our jaws dropped! But i tell my husband to give no reaction whatsoever, as if we dont know the word. Feel free to disagree, but she was only a year old.How much sense really, can we talk into a one year old toddler.
She still say it once in while, but we just ignore it. The best part when she said it in front of the grandparents..that was the funniest. the grandparents eyes were wide open, their jaws dropped. My Mil even said, "eh anak kau cakap tu.."
i just ask them to relax, and tell them the phase will pass.
True enough, we dont hear the word as much anymore. She has also started slapping people's wrist as punishment but we just advise her its not right to hit.
We cant stop our kids to parrot words and pick up what people around them are doing,
but what we can do is be at our best behavior around them. We all know parents are the best examples to their children.
so i suggest decide what kind of parents we plan to be before the kid arrives, so we a prepared.
Preach!

her father's predicament

One day, Maryam was being her normal self. Active, running about, chattering non stop. I had to go into the kitchen to cook, so i left her father in charge. After a while, the father complained;

Father "ma, abah geram la kat maryam ni.taknak duduk diam.lari sana lari sini.geram la" Mother "takpe la.buat mcm mama.mama kalau geram kat maryam ma doa dlm hati -Ya Allah ya tuhanku,berikanlah aku kesabaran menjaga maryam,supaya dia bersabar menjaga aku bila aku tua nanti"
Father "Ala takpe.dia xnak jaga nanti,abah nak duduk rumah org tua"


Tsk tsk.that bad?issokay abah,we'll come visit.heheheheh

Maryam's vocabulary!

What (normal) mom is not proud of their child's progress right?
even her jumping (or attempt to!)makes me proud.For i really am weird like that.


So, Maryam' first word is Aaa-Bah.at around 4-5 months. much to my dismay.haha
Fret not, mama followed soon enough.
Her funniest vocab is "Betul betul besar, yowwww" which means betul betul besar ye, at around 12 months. ke eleven entah.tak berapa ingat. she was watching animal planet with her abah. They were watching a bear serie n abah said "betul betul besar ye bear tuuu"
and she parrot after him and been using the line eversince on lorries.
eg: a huge lorry passes by "loyi! loyi! beto beto besa yowwww"
we would crack up in the car like no other!!

most of her vocabs are courtesy of yours truly, then acik (SIL, she lives with us, n also maryam's best friend), then abah.

so here goes.the maryam-saurus, complete with translation:

abah : abah
mama : mama
aciiik : acik (SIL)
atok bak : atok bak, FIL
aiyyer : air
boi : ball
moi : mole
loyi: lorry
noh : nose
aii : eye
nak : nak
nanak : taknak
nangan : jangan
no niii : no need
buk : book
ship : sheep
bi : bee
layi : lari
datuh : jatuh
batah : basah
petah : pecah
berd : bird
muuiii : moon
titiek : owh well.tetek la apa lagi hehehe
bids : beads
mit : oven mitt
nana : banana
ipet : ipad
bata bata sa : bukak youtube lagu alif bata
bi si bi si : bukak youtube lagu a b c
amiinnn / aminnaaa : amin after doa
awwabat : allahuakbar/ solat
bye bye : bye bye
bibi : baby
no no no : no
nenek : nenek, which is a mystery to all cos none of us taught her n she calls none of her granma that.and she says that over n over at taska.adakah nenek mistik nak bekawan dgn anak aku?
manni : money, bills or shilling
denching : dancing
tacih : terima kasih
dok : dog
namuk : nyamuk
dodok : duduk
tido : tidur
tu : shoe
awetu / tu pe :ape tu / tu ape


well, i think that pretty much it kot.come auguskt she'll be fifteen months! yay!
mama n abah love you, kiddo!

baby food recipe!

Seriously, the title above is a joke.
I am a bad cook for adult food, but i am really not bad in the baby food department.
But then again i think this self confidence really come from my baby enjoying the food i made so much.
But then again maybe because she eats anything n everything. (this she takes after me)

Weeeellll, assuming the food is actually goooood, i want to share the meals i made her.
There is no recipe. What kind of misleading title is this ,no? hehehehe

I loooooove feeding her fish though i try my best to stay away from large fish.
Foods that she likes most : fish, broccoli, mushroom (any kind), cherry tomatoes

I normally just dump everything in n add water, voila!
I stay away from salt n sugar so i make sure the vegetables used for the soup/stew has some level of sweetness to them.
I love giving her broccoli, cauliflower, enoki, pumpkin,cherry tomatoes, yellow onion, baby carrots, sweet potatoes, corn for these veggies are sweet on their own.
I always made sure there are at least 3 kind of veggie in one dish.
The combos i like are :

chicken, broccoli, onion, enoki, baby carrots

chicken, potatoes , baby carrots, oyster mushroom, onion

Fish, onion, tatoes, cauliflower, corn (the normal ones, not the baby ones)

beef, shiitake, baby carrots, onion, ginger, tatoes

chicken pumpkin, carrots, onion, cauliflower

well, the combo is endless, though i feel some type of veg n shrooms goes better with some types of protein, and not to have more than 2 sweet tasting veggie in a dish,or it will get a bit confusing for the palate!

once, a makcik comments on how i dont put sugar n salt in baby's meal, like so;

" we need to train their taste buds so that when they get bigger the dont find the salt n sugar taste weird. also they need the vitamin from sugar n salt so their body wont be derived off them"

*awkward silent*

What vitamin la makcikkkk..what are u talking about la..cock n bull.

Hypnobirth

Hey people!

have u heard of hypnobirth? well, u should! because hypnobirth will get you asking epidural whatttttt?

ha best gila my line, i belong in advertising.not. anyway, i lovvvveeee hypnobirth so this is a must share topic!
Lets see. how does my love story with hypnobirth begins?well, i was then pregnant and naturally started reading up on birth experience. true enough, most of the stories revolve around birthing being super painful, how epidural is a lifesaver, the works.
Now, I am such a wuss and have low tolerance to pain. I wanted to claim super low tolerance but i know there are poeple who are worse than me out there, so lets settle for just low.hahaha
so, I was starting to include epidural cost in my hospital budget. I was so sure im going to resort to epidural!
And then one day, a true wuss that i am, i googled PAINLESS BIRTH. If there's anyone out there who has done this before.then, hypnobirth is definitely for you.For i can imagine how scared u are of childbirth. mana la ada org begitu berharap n penakut gila n desperate smpai google such impossible key words kan.
that's how i came across hypnobirth. i read it up n contacted the only Malaysia practitioner, Soo Wai Han. u can find her at www.hypnobirth.com.my. It was March. I delivered on the 1st of may. Alhamdulillah it was in the nick of time! I had enough time to practise n prepare!
Wai Han's classes are only available in Selangor, so i had no choice but to buy the book. I had 1 months plus to train myself with the hypnobirth technique. I was so into hypnobirth and natural birth. I even wanted to deliver at home. hahahah But since this is the first experience, i opted for hospital.
I managed to train DH since he's going to be my birth partner.We practise breathing, massages, discussed signs of delivery and such.
As much as i love the book, Im sure attending the class would be much much much better.
But i find the book super helpful, nonetheless.
Hypnobirth basically belief that u are able to control the level of pain u are experiencing through relaxation n breathing techniques. Come to think of it, how do you think some people gave birth quietly in the toilet, that even the person in the next cubicle was unable to tell?
As a matter of observation, DH keeps telling me he does not get how other mother's birthing experience is so scary when mine was easy. I almost smacked him. Trust me, it might look easy and undercontrol to people around you, but was it really. NO FREAKING WAY. and thats the beauty of hypnobirth!
So i suggest u prego women who are unable to attend the the class to get the book from the website! super empowering!! expecially you penakuts out there!hahahah
ok toodles!later: my birthing experience!

poor little baby..

hey i just realize i havent finished my ipoh trip story! shall find time to do that. With photos hopefully! been meaning to upload photos here so wait for it.
Im on my way back to JB from putrjaya, tired. need to take baby girl cos she's been coughing n having a bit of cold. poor thing.But she's otherwise fine. active as ever with serious appetite. Dont let the slim figure fool ya.That girl can REALLY eat.
typing in a moving car is making me super dizzy. So toodles!

the greatest birthday gift ever : a baby!

I would love to share the story of how we found out we concieved. i have been reading on ttc forums n blogs like forever hoping i would one day have a story to tell.
and Allahuakbar, i did.
it was the holy month of Ramadhan of 2010. my family and i was going to see my brother off to the U.S to study. We gathered at my uncle's place at bandar putra mahkota (ok im not so sure now but its close to KLIA). DH couldnt make it cos of work. I was expecting aunt flow anyday cos my cycle was pretty regular. At noon there was a light spotting. Light brown in color n really small. there she is, i thought. so i broke my fast in the middle of the day, and ate up my niece's kfc hahahah..well, tak boleh puasa kan, then why not?!
so we all went to the airport to wave him bye bye n later than night, i was puzzled as the spot didnt grow.it was just like when i first noticed it. so i bathe, did my prayers and fast the next day. mom was asking me how come ur praying n such. well i said i dont know, the darned thing stopped.
and i waited and waited and the excitement built cos hey no period!!!
so on the fifth day aunt flow was expected, at lunch hour, i went to get the hpt n test right away at the office loo. the second line appeared right away and grew darker.
i was laughing in the loo. so excited n nervous n the fact took time to set in.
since we only saw each other on weekends, so its quite easy to tell the day of conception.
turned out it was a couple of days after my birthday.
Happy birthday to me, thank you Allah, and 40 weeks later, hello my love!
turns out my mom kind of guessed it. of course she would.she's been pregnant n gave birth TEN times!

infertility : the struggle 3

I seriously need to get it going with this infertility series..
aaaaaaanywayyyyyy,
i'd like to continue about the HSG procedure.
went to the hospital with husband to get it done only to be refused by the lab people since we had had intercourse between menstruation to the day of procedure.
well, we werent informed. we wanted to do it, get ot out of the way. so the doctor called his boss whos a specialist to talk to us.
A very nice religious man, lembut je cakap.
he said we should know that should we have concieved and didnt know that n had the hsg anyway, we cant keep the baby because of the xray exposure.
wait now. I knew it was not going to be that easy to concieve, and told the doctor thank you sir but i know its now going to be as easy hahahah. so he said ok n let us do it.
the xray was perfect alhamdulillah no blockage n such.
we were relieved. i did the procedure at hospital sultan ismail n the people there were amazing,thank you.
the next appointment, the doctor sat down with us to disscuss the test results.
everything to their knowledge is fine. so my condition falls under 'unexplained infertility'. meaning yeah there might be somthing wrong with you but we wont know it. turns out there are other conditions that the Lppkn didnt have the means to detect.
one of the possibility is my uterus environment could be hostile to the sperm, killing them everytime they enter. which sounds like the condition that monica character from FREINDS had.but they cant know for sure.
so the doctor put us on clomid (fertility pill) to get the eggs bigger n produce more than one egg per cycle. we tried 2 rounds of clomid before that n it didnt work. so we had a feeling this time isnt going to work neither. true enough it didnt, so we resorted to IUI. Thats for intrauterine insemination.
We were elated n was hoping to concieved twins! pretty Ambitious huh hahaahh
and no the IUI didnt work. aunt flow came. to be honest we werent that dissapointed, as we know it just means we have to try harder. God willing, it will happen, we were sure.
then i got transfered to putrajaya n DH stayed in JB. then i wasnt so sure anymore.
we only get to see each other on weekends, so hows this going to work.
i sat husband down n told him,maybe we should adopt. maybe God didnt mean for us to concieve. Maybe God has bigger plans for us by adopting. I was okay, contented n redha.
husband didnt really fancy the idea. he wanted to wait. by then we have been married for 4 years and seriously trying for 2 years.
i said fine, by the time im 30, if i havent concieved, im adopting! hahaha i made up my mind.
and then we concieved. just like that. Allah is truly Great. Alhamdulillah.
.
.
and so we are now trying for our second one. and should it is fated that we were only to have this one only, insya Allah im going to consider adopting.theres so many children in the world who need love, and i have so much love to give.
And so we began our journey to try to concieve baby #2. send your doa our way ye!

I am lopsided

hi i am lopsided today.
Have to got to putrajaya for a morning meeting today.
normally DH n sil cares for the little miss while i was gone.
the thing is since its ramadhan, with sahur and all, with baby always pulling acts during sahur n DH's haywire working hours, and the SiL being 8 months preggers, we had to send little miss balik kampung to kota tinggi
and it broke my heart. yes, i suffer from super clingy mother syndrome
so after work, i took little miss n sil back to kota, one hour drive.
and after iftar, tried putting her to sleep with yours truly tertido sama
i woke up shocked cos its already 1 am, smothered the crying little miss with kisses n drove home with sil. i feel so sorry for her having to follow me around being so advance in pregnancy n all. God bless her!
took a nap n got ready, and left home at 6am.
.
.
only to be informed by office theres a laaaaast minit meeting tomorrow, here, at 9.30 am..

hello, efficient sikit can or not..im already here.with no baju whatsoever.malas fikir.
anyway since little miss didnt nurse this morning n i couldnt locate my pump, well, hasnt been pumping since baby turned 8 months. yes im lazy, i know ha ha

and so my boobs all swollen now n since one side produces more than the other, im lopsided now.
guess its time to marmet.

oy oy tutorial please...

I am having quite a hard time figuring how to make this blog look nice. Looking forward to pop in my baby's picture to light up the dull layout. But as for now it's the end of work for the day and i am going to head to the nursery to pick up little baby. I need to work on my infertility entry though. Coming soon coming soonnnn!!

First Ramadhan with a toddler!

welcome Ramadhan!The holiest month for muslim all over the world. i have been very nervous of how fasting month is going to be this year. Last year's Ramadhan, dear daughter was only 3 mo. Not much hassle i remembered. but this year she's a "you cant put me down woman!!" 14 months old toddler. For sahur this morning she decided to wake up the same time i did. 3 am! Tried to put her back to sleep but when she started getting up, stood in the middle of the bed and started singing, i know its a lost battle. Well now, the father wouldnt wake up (dont get me started on him!). so had to take the toddler into the kitchen. She refuse to be put down and the trusted boba carrier was in the car (must remember to keep in the house throughout Ramadhan), so i had to cook (from scratch mind you) with one hand while another holding her. Broke an egg on the floor, and managed to whip up rice, a chicken dish, omelette, a mushroom dish. In 45 minutes. Im tough, im telling you. had my sahur, fed toddler at same time, changed her, only then she went back to sleep. tiring tiring dawn! Didnt even managed to recite the quran n actually scolded little girl a few times. sigh.kept my cool all the while only to lost it on the first day of Ramadhan. the month when you are required to be more patient n improve oneself. Ironic.Lets hope things go smoother tomorrow. As for now, im telling ramadhan with a toddler is indeed an adventure. gonna need all the help i could get!

The ipoh trip

So i took my daughter to ipoh for some urusan i need to settle. DH couldnt make it due to work commitment. Driving is out of question so i decided to take public transportation. So here's how the trip went. We took the sleeper coach on the Senandung Selatan train from JB Sentral to KL sentral. We took the 1.50 pm trip n we were going to overnight at my sister's and then travel back with her to Ipoh since she going back too, for work. We took the lower berth which is only RM 45! fricking cheaaaapppp...the comfier option would be the cabin which is a small room like compartment with two bunkbeds at RM115 per bed. I feel its expensive since it was just a 300++km trip n i need to spend on the flight back. And plus what if i share the room with a total stranger. I need to breastfeed hello. If we are to go to KL with DH, the three of us i would definitely consider the cabin! My review of the KTMB sleeper coach. I love it.LOooove it. But take into consideration should u want to try it out, that my daughter is one easy baby with minimum minimum hassle, and i really dont mind peeing with her perched on my knee. Hey what other options i had, there's just the two of us n i dont trust strangers okaaaayyyyy heheheeh. oh i need to get something done. Sambung later!

Infertility:the struggle part 2

When we finally decided we are going to seriously get fertility treatment, i got a huge kick in the gut. A lot was playing in my head. To resort to treatment made me think, so I AM infertile, am i not? i mean if u seek treatment that must mean you are. I was a bit mental for a while. Just a short while though, say a couple of days hahahah So this phase made me think, there are women out there who are hesitating to seek treatment cos they feel, hey this cant be it, i CANT be infertile?! I'm telling people nowadays, stop driving yourself nuts. This is a challenge God want u to face so suck it in n face it.Really, denial isnt gonna help one bit. We did our treatment at LPPKN. My research (mode of research:google.ahem) told me that at LPPKN KL you have to wait up to two month to get to see the doctor. Living in johor, i did mine at the HSA LPPKN clinic and got appointment straight away. it was like less than a week wait. The first visit, the nurse set appointment for pap smear n to get my blood tested in case my hormone level is the problem. On the day i was due to get my pap smear done which is the first time ever for any vajayjay-related examination, i got nervous n had my menses.Which is not even due.Its embarassing how much a wuss i am. hahahh The next day the nerve menses stopped (obviously) n had my papsmear done n blood taken for tests. The nurse then set appointment for husband n i to see the doctor for sperm count n the tests result. So on the fixed date we went to see the doctor. DH took the sperm test and we waited to see the doctor. Turns out his count was above average n i had no cervix problem whatsoever and hormon was okay. A bit of a low count but nothing serious. Next i had to do the xray to see if blocked fallopian tube was the scum. I had my HSG (hysterosalpingogram) done at HSI. word of advice the nurse at lppkn fail to inform me is no intercourse from the day aunt flow dried up to the day to do HSG. Hey more on that later in Infertility: the struggle part 3! heheheheheh

blogging from inside the train!

My little girl n i are on our way to kl on board the sinaran selatan ktmb train. and im loving it.we took the lower berth in the sleeper coach. The one with rows of berth, not the horribly expensive but must be really cool two-bed rooms coach. Baby girl is asleep and im feeling the number 2 nature call! alaaaa....taknak la...although i did number one with my baby seated on my knees just now hahahah...i am pleased with the train n the trip so far.But then again, i am easily pleased hahahhha...tidak diva ye. will write more so all those mothers who needs to travel with their babies alone shall take the train.heheheheh.laters.

at 14 months..

She's no baby, she's a toddler! At 14 months she's funnier than ever. the other day she puts coins (which she calls manni manni) into the piggy bank all by herself. she calls herself Manyem or Manem. which changes very now n then as her speech improves. we have fights every meal time because she insisted to feed herself. still clingy as ever. enjoys watching video of self. still enjoys the mirror.A LOT! she mimics flying Aeroplane with her hand. She's my funny baby!cant wait for mama-baby trip this weekend!

Infertility: the struggle

Issit because people are more opened up n sharing or the infertility rate is climbing fricking fast nowadays?!! nowadays when i turn my head there'll be a woman dealing with infertility, yours truly included. So i want to share my journey in the hopes that i might shed some light to those still wondering how they should begin (tu diaaaaa shed the light ni.over) Well, DH and i got hitched in 2006. We didnt want to get preggers straight away so we planned sans drugs, hormon pill etc. We wanted the first two years to chill n be romantic just the two of us. After the first two years we wanted babies. he wanted one. i was ITCHING for one. see, impatient.and i tell u infertility is definitely harder on crazy impatient people like yours truly. It turns out its not that easy. come 2009 i decided thats it. Lets reaaalllllyyy try. So we resort to fertility treatment. and that is in another entry. to be continued!

monday is hard on me

its monday again. The weekend was nice.went back kota tinggi for husband's nephew's wedding. But came back monday with diarhoea. nice. Im fasting today. Another day to go to ganti. So here's wishing i'll behave well n guard my words so that pahala tak kurus. I do have a tendency to bad mouth. sigh. Am planning my travelling to go back ipoh. Train from jb to kl sentral (am taking the bed coach.should be nice enough for baby and i) kl to ipoh with my sister who's driving to ipoh for work. ipoh to kl sentral on the ETS train klia to jb by flight I am looking forward to this trip. It is going to be just baby girl and i and my trusted boba carrier. i looooove my boba! Baby girl is going to enjoy it so much i can tell. She is into vehicles nowadays. Lorries and aeroplane and trains fascinate her so i think this trip is really in the right time. shall record 'crazy trip with one year old toddler just the two of us' in here,definitely!

one tired mommaaa

been meaning to blog everyday. now what happenedddddd.. i knew i was being too ambitious. need to pick up my baby girl. she's my happiness, my pick-me-up-right-away after a day of work. hello baby girl.i love you!

the first post!!

I have been meaning to start blogging a while now. But it did took me a while to start.The intention to write is first and foremost to share. There's so many important friends and the people i love living far from me and by writing here i can reach them pretty much each time they check out this blog. Well,firstly there's the story of my journey battling (so to speak ;p) infertility and then there's of motherhood.and before that probably of conceiving and hypnobirth and of course early education and teaching my baby swimming lessons.there's so much to share and there's so many friends who are moms of mommy-hopefuls or mommy-to-bes or new mommies! So lets share and spread the love,no?! So that's it fer now.gonna go fix myself a fish soup dinner.oh,i mean to write on my struggle to lose weight (or rather, the lack of it.tsk). Till then, happy monday tomorrow peoplesss!